


Smiles

by moon_hedgehog



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Non-Linear Narrative, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-11 23:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12946401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_hedgehog/pseuds/moon_hedgehog
Summary: she used to have ice in her veins; maybe that’s why her blood was so terribly cold.





	Smiles

Elsa’s heart’s broken into tiny, sharp fragments – she’s putting them together in her hands, not paying attention to the blood, flowing down her wrists. She has never felt pain – maybe that’s why it was so easy to abandon Anna, _one, two,_ and up there – freedom and no rules. But she hardly ever will be able to forget awkward _smiles_ , because they somehow broke her as easily as a child breaks a thin crust of ice on the water. The child then drowns, but she’s _not a whit better_.

 

 _Stay away, or you’ll freeze –_ this is such a small game, only there’s no strength left for laughing. Elsa wants to give up – for the first time in life and at least to someone. The queens don’t cry, but she’s still a small, frightened girl. Anyway, it is unlikely to her to grow, with such craving for _self-destruction_.

 

At one of the royal receptions, she notices the first _smile_ , and, frankly, she’s shaking. As a matter of principle, from fear or disgust isn’t important, and it’s doesn’t matter, when _smile_ gets closer. Elsa thinks “ _if you come closer, I’ll turn your entrails into ice”_ , and says aloud that she’s glad. No one believes her.

 

Self-reproach is her favorite pastime. Here’s the cracking frosty glass, _this is all your fault_. Here’s the maid, recoils in horror, pressing her blue hand to the chest ( _this is all your fault)._ Here are the icy crows corpses in the garden, Anna’s looking at them and, and _this is all your fault_. Here’s Elsa, pressed to the dark corner and gently kissed, with a fear that she would crumble like snow.

It’s, it’s not her fault, right?

 

Now there are more _smiles –_ the future queen feels _something_ , but it is difficult for her to understand what and why. She thinks _“I don’t want to let you go”_ , aloud – nothing, because her knees are shaking with irrational fear. At nights _without him_ she’s whispering only _HansHansHansHans,_ at nights _with him_ she shamelessly cries, clinging to the sheets like to the last salvation.

 

 _To fall in love with a monster is so terrible –_ and so on repeat, while you’re trying to bite the veins on your wrists. Magic escapes from control, spreading through the body like a viscous honey, till Elsa feels sickeningly bad. She wants to close her eyes, a _smile_ chases her everywhere. Now only mixed with her sister’s nightmarish grin, and, for the first time in her life, Elsa wants to _break her_.

 

As a result, she gets only arrows, fear in the eyes of some ridiculous people, screams of pain, and one last _smile._


End file.
